Source: The Conversation – Africa – By Sulette Ferreira, Transnational Family Specialist and Researcher, University of Johannesburg
Becoming a grandparent is often envisioned as a deeply intimate, hands-on journey, holding a newborn, sharing first smiles, witnessing the first wobbly steps. It is traditionally grounded in physical presence, marked by spontaneous visits.
For many grandparents whose children have emigrated, however, these defining moments often unfold not in person, but through screens, filtered through time zones, digital platforms, and a lingering sense of distance.
This is true in South Africa, a country with rising emigration, especially among young families. Over a million South Africans now live abroad. This has systemic, multigenerational effects.
In a recent study I explored the impact of global emigration on the relationships between South African grandparents and their grandchildren born abroad. I examined what it means to step into their grandparent role role from afar, often for the first time, and how the absence of physical closeness reshapes intergenerational relationships.
I have published various articles on migration and intergenerational relationships in transnational families. I also run a private practice that focuses on the emotional challenges of emigration.
As part of my PhD study, I conducted in-depth interviews with 24 South African parents whose adult children had emigrated. This project laid the foundation for my broader research programme on the emotional effects of migration. This research article is based on the experiences of 44 participants.
For these grandparents, emigration represents more than just geographical separation. The familiar rhythms of hands-on grandparenting, from spontaneous visits to shared celebrations, are disrupted. With it comes a layered and ongoing sense of loss, not only of everyday interactions with their grandchildren, but also the gradual fading of a cherished role once grounded in physical presence and routine connection.
The findings show that the absence of physical proximity creates profound emotional barriers, especially during the early, most formative years of a grandchild’s life. Yet despite this distance, grandparents are finding creative and meaningful ways to remain emotionally present.
In transnational families, grandparents serve as custodians of cultural continuity and emotional support as well as active agents reshaping the meaning of grandparenthood in the context of global migration.
What grandparents had to say
The central question of my research was how distance reshaped the role of some grandparents in South African families. It further investigated how grandparents adapted and renegotiated their roles across different stages of their grandchildren’s lives.
The selection criteria included: being a South African citizen; speaking fluent English; living in South Africa; being a parent whose adult child(ren) had emigrated and lived abroad for at least one year; and being from any race, culture, gender; socio-economic status; aged between 50 and 80 years.
I supplemented interviews with qualitative surveys distributed via my online support group.
Grandparents reported various challenges,such as the loss of everyday involvement, the emotional strain of distance, and difficulties with digital communication that required ongoing adaptive strategies to sustain connection.
The study shows how distance does not necessarily weaken intergenerational bonds but requires grandparents to redefine presence.
My research made it clear that the place of birth is a pivotal factor in shaping the grandparent- grandchild bond.
Grandparents of children who are born in South Africa and move to another country later are often involved from the beginning. They assist with daily care, celebrate milestones and enjoy spontaneous visits. These everyday interactions nurture strong emotional ties.
As Annelise, a participant, shared:
When your grandchild is born here, you know them from birth, you see them every day, you share in everything.
When these grandchildren emigrate, the rupture can be profound. Grandparents not only lose regular contact but also their role as hands-on caregivers.
When grandchildren are born abroad, a different emotional journey unfolds. Joy and excitement are often tempered by longing and sadness.
The reality of nurturing relationships across borders forces grandparents to redefine their roles.
For many families, pregnancy strengthens the bond between generations, especially between mothers and daughters. This phase is typically marked by shared rituals, which shape both maternal and grandparental identities. Rituals foster emotional connection and a sense of belonging.
But for grandparents who are separated, these moments may be replaced by screenshots and voice notes, making milestones feel distant and intangible.
This early absence can feel like an exclusion from grandparenthood itself, as if the role is denied before it has even begun. The phenomenon aligns closely with US psychologist Pauline Boss’s concept of ambiguous loss, grief without closure.
Despite this, many grandparents remain actively involved. Some grandparents become what US sociologists Judith Treas and Shampa Mazumdar call “seniors on the move”, becoming more mobile, structuring their lives around flights, visa renewals and seasonal caregiving.
But the challenges are big.
Staying close from far away
Sustaining a relationship across borders is tough.
Two key strategies emerged in my research: virtual communication and transnational visits.
All those I interviewed used technology extensively: weekly Zoom story time, recorded readings, or care “parcels” filled with letters, recipes, or handmade crafts.
In-person visits were limited by a mix of financial, logistical, emotional, and relational barriers.
The flights are just too expensive, and with my health, I don’t think I could manage the trip. It breaks my heart, but it’s just not possible. I don’t think I will ever see him again.
I also found that the role of parents was key. Through sharing photos, initiating calls, and keeping grandparents present in everyday conversations, some parents helped emotional bonds flourish.
My daughter and son-in-law are both very good at sending me photos and videos regularly … They both know how much I miss being with my two grandkids, so they keep me updated … They also phone weekly and encourage the children to be focused on our calls.
Takeaways
Transnational grandparenting challenges the traditional script of hands-on involvement. It calls for a reimagining of presence.
My research shows that grandparents are doing that through creativity, emotional elasticity and enduring love. They are forging a new kind of grandparenting across continents: one where connection transcends distance.
– Grandparenting from a distance: what’s lost when families are separated, and how to bridge the gap
– https://theconversation.com/grandparenting-from-a-distance-whats-lost-when-families-are-separated-and-how-to-bridge-the-gap-263279
